


the streets of smiles

by I_wouldnt_be_one_of_them



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Asexual Castiel, Asexual Character, M/M, Public Transportation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-06-07 21:46:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6825724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_wouldnt_be_one_of_them/pseuds/I_wouldnt_be_one_of_them
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dean's long term relationship ends, another relationship is the last thing on his mind. He's just focused on living a normal life - going to work, hanging out with friends, missing his ex, complaining about bad weather. He isn't looking for love, and he certainly doesn't expect to find it riding the bus to work. But when Castiel, a kind professor with a bright yellow umbrella and family issues to rival Dean's own, starts riding the same bus, he might become one of the most important people in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the streets of smiles

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Ace Spn Mini Bang 2015-2016.
> 
> Thanks to my wonderful pinch-hit artist, kuwlshadow, whose piece for this fic can be found below as well as on her tumblr and livejournal  
> Also, thank you to my lovely beta, nerdfighteruniverse on tumblr.
> 
> Title from "in the rain-" by ee cummings

 

Dean hates the bus. He _hates_ it. It’s dirty and loud and there are weird people and screaming children and he always ends up sitting next to someone who refuses to stay in their own space. But Sammy has some kind of weird yoga thing in the next town over on Thursdays, and he won’t get his own car and there’s no bus in that direction, so Dean reluctantly hands over the keys to the Impala every week and takes the stupid bus to work.

This week it’s raining, because his life hates him. He stands on the sidewalk by the bus stop, his hands in his pockets, and sighs heavily. He glares at the clouds above him. He’s going to be soaked when he gets to work, and Bobby hates it when people bring mud and water into the shop.

 Suddenly the clouds are replaced by bright yellow and the rain stops falling on his head. He looks around to see a guy in a trenchcoat standing next to him and holding an umbrella over both of their heads.

“Oh, thanks,” Dean says, and the guy nods. Dean looks at him a little closer, and holy shit, he’s definitely not one of the regulars that Dean’s been seeing on the bus, because Dean would remember if he had seen someone that hot. He’s almost as tall as Dean but not quite, and he’s got hair that’s either really messy or deliberately artfully tousled, and his eyes are the brightest fucking blue Dean’s ever seen.

Dean would be totally up for hitting that, but he’s got work to go to and Lisa to pine over, so he looks away and just waits for the bus in silence, and when it arrives he and the guy get on and sit in different parts of the bus and go their separate ways, and Dean figures that’s probably it.

 

* * *

 

Jo lets herself into Dean’s apartment at ten pm and starts going through his refrigerator without even saying hello.

“Oh hey, Jo, how are you?” Dean asks dryly as he glances up from the episode of Doctor Sexy he’s rewatching on his laptop. “Nice of you to drop by.”

“Dude, you don’t need to keep pretending to be surprised when I show up like this. We both know you don’t mind.”

“No, you’re wrong. Who are you again? Why are you here?”

“Yeah, really funny, asshole. Now, where is your fucking ice cream?”

“Jo, it’s ten o’clock, you don’t need sugar this late.”

“Okay, _mother,_ jeez. I can eat a pint of ice cream if I want. Where is it?” She is starting to sound more frantic, and when he looks up at her Dean can see now that there are dried tear tracks down her face.

He shuts his laptop. “Are you alright?”

She comes over to curl up next to him on the couch and rests her head on his shoulder. “I broke up with Seth,” she mumbles.

“Oh, damn, Jo, I’m sorry.” Dean hadn’t liked Jo’s boyfriend, had thought he was too pushy and had an annoying voice, had hated how the guy had been rude to him and Sam the time they had dinner together, but he knows Jo liked him and he knows when to shut up and be supportive. “I ate all the ice cream last week when Lisa and me broke up and I haven’t been to the store to get more but we can make cookies if you want?”

“That sounds good,” she sniffs, so he pulls her up and back into the kitchen.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks as they roll out the dough.

“Not really,” she says. “I don’t know, there isn’t even really much to talk about. It wasn’t even that big a thing. It just wasn’t really working out and I think we both saw it coming for a while, but it’s still upsetting, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” he sighs.

“Sorry, Dean, I know you don’t need this right now.”

“Hey, no, c’mon, Jo, I’m fine. You can’t help the timing. And Lisa and I hadn’t really been happy for a while anyway, I should be getting over it. Besides, it’s only fair, you had to deal with me moping around, now it’s my turn to deal with you.”

She knocks her shoulder against his and scoops a ball of cookie dough onto the pan. “Let’s just talk about other stuff.”

“Hell, yeah, enough of the chick flick moments. What do you want to talk about?”

“How’s Sam? I haven’t seen him in a while, he’s always off being busy, it’s weird.”

“Oh, he’s great. He works too hard, though. I thought graduating school would mean he would stop studying all the time, but I guess with Sammy it’s to be expected. I’m glad he’s got Jess to keep him from living in his books all day. I wish he would stop going to that stupid hippie yoga thing though, I hate taking the bus on Thursday.”

“Well, if you listen to those fanfics Charlie keeps forwarding us, public transportation is a great place to meet people to hook up with.”

“Oh, god, she sends those to you too?”

“All the time. I’ve told her to stop like ten times but she kept insisting I read them so I gave in and some of them are actually decent.”

“Yeah, I know, I gave in too. But a lot of it is also crap.”

“So no possibilities for sex and/or romance?”

“Well, there was this hot guy on today, actually, but that’s the first time in months that there’s been anyone even remotely appealing. Usually it’s a bunch of people who are sketchy or too old or with their family or just not anyone I would be interested in.”

“Ooh, a hot guy, tell me more.”

“There’s nothing to tell, Jo. He let me share his umbrella until the bus showed up and he was pretty cute but we didn’t talk or anything.”

“What did he look like?” she sings as she slides the pan into the oven and turns the timer on, looking a lot happier than she did two minutes ago.

“You are so annoying.”

“You love me. Spill.”

“ _Fine,_ god. He was like an inch or two shorter than me, and he had brown hair and blue eyes, and he had a trenchcoat.”

“Why didn’t you sleep with him?”

“Um, maybe because it was seven AM and I had to go to work? Plus, it’s not like I even know if he swings that way.”

“Well, you could have talked to him to maybe find out. It sounds like he made an impression on you, so if he’s on the bus again next week you should totally ask him out.”

“No, Jo, it’s a bad idea. That’s too much like dating, and I’m not ready for that yet.”

“You have to get over Lisa, Dean. This could be good for you.”

He shakes his head as he wipes flour off the counter. “I ended a two-year relationship literally a week ago. It’s not fair to this guy to ask him to be my rebound.”

“Why do you have to be such a good guy, Dean?”

“Blame your mother and Bobby for raising me right.”

“I will. But fine, I’ll let you get out of the conversation. Got anything to watch while we wait for the cookies to bake?”

“Princess Bride?”

“Oh hell no, I don’t want to look at a happy couple right now. We’re watching a crappy horror movie.”

Dean laughs and finds a DVD while Jo sprawls herself on the couch.

 

* * *

 

It’s still raining by the following Thursday, which strikes Dean as really fucking unnecessary, but he has an umbrella this time so he’s not as miserable about it. When he gets to the bus stop, the hot guy from last week is waiting to the side of the rest of the crowd of commuters, yellow umbrella tilted above him like a halo.

He looks up as Dean splashes over, and smiles. Dean nods an acknowledgment. The bus pulls up a moment later, and they all board. The bus is more crowded than usual, probably because of the rain, so Dean and the guy are both forced to stand. They jostle against each other with every turn, and on one particularly big pothole the man is thrown into Dean hard enough that Dean has to grab him around the waist to keep them both from falling.

This brings them a lot closer, and Dean blinks. The man clears his throat and Dean lets go, blushing.

“Sorry,” says the stranger.

“No problem, not your fault.”

They both look away, and Dean spends the rest of the trip trying not to notice the man’s warmth pressing against him.

 

* * *

 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Dean stares dejectedly at the rear bumper of the bus he’s supposed to be on as it quickly gets smaller in the horizon.

“If it’s any consolation, you weren’t late, it came earlier than usual this morning,” comes a gravelly voice from beside him.

Dean jerks around in surprise to see hot trenchcoat guy. “What?”

“The bus. I missed it too.”

Dean rubs a hand over his face. “Damn it,” he mutters. “I don’t need this today.”

“You have work,” the man says, and it doesn’t feel like a question.

“Yeah.”

“Something time sensitive? I’ve noticed you on the bus before and you always seem like you’re in a rush.”

“I mean, it’s not that big a deal, but my boss will be kind of pissed if I’m late.”

“I understand that I’m coming across as a bit like a stalker, but I promise I’m not. Where are you going?”

“We don’t even know each other. This is the first time we’ve talked for more than two seconds and I don’t even know your name.”

“I know. I was just going to offer to share a cab if we were going the same direction. And it’s Castiel.”

Dean hesitates. He shouldn’t agree to go anywhere with a complete stranger. But he really does need to get to work and he doesn’t really want to pay for the full cost of a cab, and despite the trenchcoat the guy really doesn’t seem like a serial killer.

“Dean.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Dean. I’m headed to the university. Is that convenient for you?”

“Yeah, I’m at Singer’s right down the street. The mechanic?”

“Of course. We can drop you off on the way. If that’s all right with you? I can understand not wanting to get in a car with a stranger, it just seemed more efficient.”

Dean shrugs and lets Castiel call for a cab as he shoots off a text to Sam telling him what’s up, sneaking a picture of Castiel so Sam will know who to look for in case anything goes wrong.

 

“So what do you do at the college?” Dean asks once they’re on the way.

“I teach anthropology.”

“Wow, really?”

“Yes. I find studying human behavior fascinating.”

“Well, hey, good for you. It’s a good school.”

“It is. Did you go there?”

“No, not me. My brother went for a couple years before transferring out to Stanford when they were able to give him more money.”

Castiel’s eyebrows raise. “That’s very impressive. What does he do?”

“Other than just be a fucking genius? Well, he studied law. He got out of school a couple years ago and moved back out here to be with me, and he’s working on setting up his own firm. He’d do better in one of the big firms in a city, but he really wants to help people and he thinks he can do that better here where he can choose who to represent.”

“You sound very proud of him. You two are close?”

“Oh, man, yeah. Sammy’s pretty much all I’ve got, so we try to always be there for each other. How about you? You have any siblings?”

“Oh, yes, I have four.” When Dean whistles, he smiles. “My extended family is even worse. It’s a very large family. Lots of aunts and uncles. Lots of cousins.”

“What’s that like?”

“Complicated. My family is very… traditional. And interconnected. There is a family owned company, and the vast majority of my relatives all work for it in some capacity. It can be intense. I am very close to my siblings, although maybe not as close as you and your brother. My other relatives not so much.”

Dean opens his mouth to say something – he doesn’t know what – but they pull up to the garage.

“This is me.”

“It was nice talking to you, Dean,” Castiel says as Dean passes some money up to the driver.

“Yeah, you too,” he says, because it was, even though it was weird as hell. “I’ll probably see you around.”

“I’ll look forward to it.”

 

* * *

 

The next week, the sun is finally out, so a lot of the people who have been riding the bus have opted to walk instead. As a result, there are a lot of empty seats, so Dean is actually able to sit.

Moments later, Castiel slides into the seat next to him.

“Hello Dean.”

“Hi, Cas.” He glances behind him, where there are several seats that wouldn’t mean sitting next to anyone.

As if he can read his mind, Castiel explains, “I like sitting close to the front of the bus.”

“Fair enough.”

“How are you?”

“I’m fine. Kind of tired, but that’s nothing new.”

“And your brother?”

“Sammy’s great. How’s your obnoxious giant family?”

Castiel laughs. “Still both obnoxious and giant, although that’s not quite how I would have phrased it.”

“I don’t know, man, I think it was kind of implied.”

“They aren’t bad, exactly, they just have certain ideas of how the family should run and how we should carry out our lives and I happen to disagree with some of those ideas at times.”

Dean snorts. When Castiel looks over quizzically – and looking a bit hurt – he says, “I think I know the feeling.”

“Ah. You mentioned your brother but not – and not that this is any of my business, especially since this is really only the second time we’ve talked – not your parents or any other family?”

He pauses. It’s true, it’s absolutely none of this stranger’s business. And this is the kind of stuff he doesn’t really talk about to _anyone_ – it’s the kind of thing he prefers to internalize for a while and then think about late at night when he can’t sleep.

But fuck, there’s something about this guy, some kind of connection.

“Yeah, no. Um. My mom died when I was a kid and my dad took it pretty hard. He got it into his head that he should be the one to hunt down her killer and all other killers, dragged us around the whole country, kind of became a vigilante. He got killed fighting an arsonist a few years ago.”

“I’m so sorry, Dean.”

He shrugs. “If I don’t think about it too much I can convince myself it’s not a big deal.”

Cas is silent, which is probably best, since what can you even say after that? They sit quietly for the rest of the bus ride, arms pressed together, and when Dean gets up at his stop they smile tightly at each other.

 

* * *

 

“So how did you get into teaching?”

Dean has to lean in so he and Cas can hear each other over the noise of the oddly large crowd of commuters.

“Well, for one thing, I’m genuinely interested in both the subject and education. I find humanity incredibly interesting, and I love having the chance to learn from my students. Also, I wanted to break free of my family and I knew this would be a foolproof way of pissing them off.”

“What’s wrong with working at a college? Isn’t that supposed to be kind of prestigious?”

Cas chuckles. “In any other family, it probably would be, yes. But as I think I’ve mentioned, my family is odd and traditional, with firm ideas of how everyone should live their lives. We – they – have a company, a rather large one that’s been in the family for centuries. Everyone in the family is expected to work for the company, and to go elsewhere is seen as an unforgivable betrayal.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Oh, of course it is. My relatives think that even being a janitor in one of their buildings would have been more respectable for me than becoming a professor. I love my family – some of them – but I don’t want to follow their unreasonable orders. I want to be my own person, follow my own passions.”

“Free will.”

“Exactly.”

Dean nods. He gets that. He spent enough sleepless nights agonizing about his and Sammy’s roles in the “family business” to understand the itch for freedom, the fear and guilt surrounding breaking free, the knowledge that the right choice isn’t always the one your loved ones want you to make.

He doesn’t say this, doesn’t feel like he can over the lump in his throat, but he pats Cas on the arm awkwardly, and from the way the skin around Cas’s eyes crinkles he thinks maybe he gets it anyway.

 

* * *

 

The problem with having a little brother who’s becoming a lawyer is that he doesn’t know how to mind his own damn business.

Dean and Sam haven’t been at home at the same time as much as usual, since Dean has been taking more hours to get his mind off the breakup and Sam has been spending a lot of time with his new girlfriend, Jess. This means that they haven’t really seen each other since the thing with Cas – whatever the fuck that “thing” is – started, and of course Sam picks up on something being different immediately.

They’re in the middle of dinner – Dean in the middle of a sentence – when Sam puts his sandwich down and says, “Dean, are you seeing someone?”

Dean blinks, caught off guard by the abrupt change of subject. “What?”

“There’s something going on with you. You seem like you’re thinking about someone.”

“Uh, yeah, you? Because we’re having a conversation?”

Sam shoots one of his bitchfaces at him. “Someone else. Did you meet someone?”

“Where would I meet someone, Sam? You’re always complaining about how I never get out. Do you think I’m meeting people at Bobby’s?”

“I don’t know, Dean. The bus?”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, have you been reading Charlie’s fanfiction too?”

“What? No. Wait, is that a yes or a no?”

“No, Sammy. Well, I mean, yes, I’ve been talking to a guy on the bus, but it’s not like that.”

“A guy.”

“Yes, Sam, a guy. His name is Cas. We’ve been talking for a few weeks. He seems nice. You’d probably like him, he’s one of those intellectual types.”

Sam smirks. “So what does he find to talk about with you?”

“Haha, very funny,” Dean says, throwing a napkin at Sam, who just laughs and dodges. “I don’t know, man, like I said, it’s only been a few weeks. We talk about ourselves. Jobs, family, shit like that.”

“But it’s not a thing.”

“It’s not a thing. We’re just two dudes on a bus who are kind of friendly.”

“Well, that’s good, Dean, I’m glad you’re making a friend.”

 

* * *

 

It’s raining again the next day, and raining pretty damn hard at that, which makes for a busy day at the garage what with people slipping off the road or wanting their wipers fixed. Bobby is even more grumbly than usual, but Dean appreciates having a steady stream of work to focus on. He’s almost having a good day when a familiar car comes in.

“Hey, Lisa,” he says through a forced smile.

“Hi, Dean.”

“Uh, how’s it going?”

“Not bad,” she says, sounding almost as awkward as he feels. “How are you?”

“Yeah, good, good. Just… awesome.” He clears his throat to cut off his own babbling and claps a hand on the roof of the car. “So what seems to be the problem?”

“Well, I’m not really sure, but it’s leaking something all over my driveway so I thought I’d have you check it out.”

Dean glances at the back of the car while Lisa describes the liquid. It’s already starting to drip a little, and he sighs. “I’ll have to take a closer look but there’s a possibility that it could be a head gasket. Do you have someone who can give you a ride so I can keep it here overnight?”

She nods. She looks just uncomfortable enough to make Dean wonder.

“Boyfriend?” he asks, faking casualness as he crouches to look at the spill.

Lisa coughs. “I. Um.”

“It’s okay, Lisa,” he says softly.

“Maybe. It’s only been a few dates, so it isn’t really anything, yet, but. I think it might be.”

“That was fast.” The words come out harsher than he meant them to, and they both wince.

“Dean.”

“No, I’m not judging you, Lis. I’m not upset. I’m just… saying.”

“You’re right, it was fast. It just kind of happened. I really like him, Dean.”

“What’s his name?”

“Matt. He’s a doctor.”

“Respectable.”

“Yes.”

“Well, good. I’m glad you’re happy.”

“I hope you’re happy too, Dean.”

He smiles in a way that he hopes is convincing and lets her hug him before she goes out to make the call. After she’s gone, he leans against the car for a long moment, eyes closed, before sighing and getting back to work.

 

* * *

 

Seeing Lisa again messes with his head, and he has to see her again just a few days later when she comes to pick up her car. They only talk for a few awkward minutes, but it’s enough to keep Dean in a weird mood for the rest of the week.

By the time he boards the bus on Thursday, Sam is asking him what’s gotten into him, and it must be pretty obvious because Cas starts shooting him concerned looks as soon as he sits down.

“Dean, are you all right?”

“I’m fine. Jesus, what’s wrong with my face that everyone keeps asking me that?”

Cas frowns. “You just look troubled.”

Dean sighs and rubs a hand over his face. “I ran into my ex.”

“Oh. Did something happen?”

“No, not really. It just kind of fucked me over, you know? I hadn’t seen her since we broke up, and then all of a sudden there she was, and it reminded me of everything. And she’s got a boyfriend now, some impressive doctor guy, and it kind of hurt even though I’ve got no right to be upset about anything she does.”

“How long?”

“How long were we together or how long since we broke up?”

“Both, I suppose.”

“We were together for about two years. We broke up… shit, I guess it’s been a couple months already. And I mean, breaking up was a mutual decision and it wasn’t really a surprise. We’d kind of been drifting apart for a while and we weren’t good for each other, and we didn’t really love each other. We knew we wanted different things. But it still sucked, you know? Whether it was good or not, it was still a two-year relationship, that’s a pretty big deal.”

“That makes sense. You have a right to be upset, Dean.”

“Thanks. I really am pretty much over her, I just need a couple days to come to terms with seeing her again.”

“Is there anything I can do to take your mind off of it?”

From some people, that might be some kind of line, but Dean knows from the earnest look in Cas’s eyes that he genuinely wants to help Dean, and he smiles.

“Man, I don’t know, just talk. What are your siblings like?”

Cas smiles fondly. “I have four, as I said. Two brothers and two sisters. Gabriel, Balthazar, Anna, and Hannah.”

“Older or younger?”

“Hannah and I are twins, although I was born a few minutes later. The others are all older.”

“Wow, what’s that like?”

“Oh, it’s interesting. They see me as young and innocent, sometimes foolish, but they are very protective of me. You have a younger brother, I’m sure you know what it’s like.”

“I always make fun of him, but I would do anything for him.”

“Exactly.”

“So how do they fit in with the rest of your big crazy family?”

Cas chuckles. “Oh, they don’t. You could say that the five of us – and my uncle Luke, actually – are the black sheep of the family. We all have a bit of a rebellious side that has showed up in different ways. Gabriel is barely even in communication with the rest of the family, and is somehow managing to make a living by travelling the world selling candy. Balthazar technically works for the family business, but only as a contractor, and everyone is fully aware that he doesn’t like them. Anna works in a mental health rehabilitation center. Hannah only very recently broke away from our family, and I think she still has some reservations, but she is doing well managing her own business.”

“Wow. I’m guessing there’s more background behind all of those decisions.”

“Oh, yes, but it’s all very complicated.”

“Your family is intense.”

“So I’ve been told.”

“You like your siblings though?”

“Oh, yes, we’re very close. They’re good people. Very different, but we get along well enough.”

The bus rolls up to a stop sign a block before Dean’s stop.

As Dean starts to stand up, Cas puts a hand on his shoulder. “Dean.”

“Yeah?”

Cas pauses. “Dean, I know that it’s none of my business, but I can tell that you are even more troubled about your ex than you’re letting on. I don’t know if you think you have done something wrong, or if you are discouraged by the news of her new boyfriend. But Dean, I may not have known you for long, but I know you well enough to know that whatever went wrong was not your fault, and that you are absolutely good enough. You and your ex may not have been right for each other, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of happiness.”

Dean doesn’t know what to say to that. He doesn’t know how a typical weekly commute to work has become a time to talk about his personal life. He doesn’t know how this random stranger has become someone who knows enough about him to read his emotions like that when he usually doesn’t show his emotions to anyone. He doesn’t know how he’s gotten to a point where hearing someone tell him he’s fucking _worthy_ doesn’t make him want to run the other way.

He clears his throat, lets the weight of Castiel’s warm hand on his shoulder give him strength, meet’s Cas’s eyes, and says, “Thanks, buddy. I, uh. I appreciate that.”

“You’re welcome, Dean.”

He squeezes his hand once before removing it, and Dean nods his goodbye and heads off to work, where he is distracted for his entire shift, and not just by thoughts of Lisa.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Sam.”

Sam looks up from his book and glances over at Dean, who’s in the middle of making dinner. “Yeah?”

“How do you know if you’re in too deep with someone?” he asks, casually chopping a carrot.

“What do you mean?”

He shrugs. “Like if you’ve been acquaintances with someone for a couple months but you only talk once a week and you always have really personal conversations, is that weird?”

He doesn’t look up, but he can feel Sam frowning at him. “I mean, that kind of depends, Dean. Is this really just an acquaintance or is it a real friendship? And how hypothetical is this? Because for most people it’s pretty normal to talk about yourself with your friends, but for you, not so much.”

Dean puts his knife down with a sigh. “You remember I told you about my friend Cas from the bus?”

“The one who you said wasn’t a ‘thing?’ Yeah, I remember.”

“Yeah, well. I don’t know, we’re just really close and I don’t know what to think about it.”

Sam stands up and comes into the kitchen. He leans against the door frame. “What do you talk about?”

“Everything, Sam, that’s the thing. We talk about stuff I don’t tell _anyone_ about. Our families, our pasts, whatever. Personal shit. The other day we were talking about my relationship with Lisa. I don’t talk about this shit ever, but with him it just feels like the thing to do.”

“Maybe that’s not a bad thing? I mean, lots of people have people they can talk to about personal stuff. It can be helpful. Hey, Charlie and Jo and I have been trying to get you to open up more for years. If this Cas guy can do it, maybe he’s good for you. You like him?”

“Yeah, obviously I like him.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Oh, we’re talking _like_ like? Are we twelve-year-old girls?”

“Dean, I’m being serious.”

He sighs. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Ok, well. Either you have a friend or you have a crush, and either way it’s good for you to be getting your mind off of Lisa. I don’t see a problem with talking to the guy. I mean, don’t give him your credit card number or anything, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting close to someone.”

“Yeah, I guess,” he says gruffly.

Sam is frowning. He can tell even though he’s not looking up.

“Dean, I don’t get why you’re always pretending you can’t get close to people. Dad’s been gone for years, so you don’t have to do the whole lonesome self-sacrificing hero crap anymore. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed but you already have friends. Jo, Charlie, the people at the garage. There are a lot of people who really care about you, and I know you care about them too. If you want Cas to be one of those people, there’s nothing wrong with that. You deserve love, Dean.”

Dean starts aggressively setting the table to distract himself from the tears that are definitely not threatening to well up at all. “Yeah, okay, enough with the chick flick shit,” he mutters after clearing his throat.

Sam sighs and lets the topic go, but for the rest of the night, Dean can’t stop thinking about it and trying to picture his next conversation with Cas.

 

* * *

 

“So how’s work?”

“It’s good. We’re coming to the end of a semester. I had a good group of students, so I’ll be sad to see them go, but I have fewer classes next semester so I’ll be glad to have some time to relax.”

“Well, that’s good. Any holiday plans?”

“Not particularly. My siblings and I will spend Christmas together, and our extended family has a holiday party closer to New Year’s. My brother Gabriel will be staying with me for a while, although he hasn’t bothered to give me an estimated arrival date yet.”

“Well, that sounds all right. Sammy and me usually do holidays pretty lowkey too, just us, but this year he’s got a girlfriend so it’s a little more complicated. We’re still doing Christmas day with just us, but on Christmas Eve we’re going to some kind of lunch thing with his girlfriend’s family. And then a few days later we’re having a little get together with some of our family friends.”

“That sounds wonderful, Dean.”

He nods, and they fall silent for a few minutes. Maybe Sam was right, and he can be in this relationship or friendship or whatever with Cas without it having to be weird.

“Can I have your number?” he blurts, and he immediately feels his cheeks heating up.

Cas blinks.

Dean coughs and tries to get his smooth cool persona back in place. “Just, you know, in case we ever want to talk during the rest of the week.”

“Of course,” Cas says, holding out his hand.

“What?”

“Give me your phone so I can type my number in. I left mine at home.”

“Oh!” Dean scrambles to get his phone out of his pocket and pass it over. Their fingers brush and Dean blushes even more, which is stupid as hell. This is not weird, he tells himself, he and Cas are friends and it’s normal for friends to have each other’s phone numbers, but he still can’t make himself meet Cas’s eyes.

“There you go,” Cas says, handing the phone back with a smile.

“Awesome.”

 

* * *

 

{from Cas to Dean} My sister Hannah bought me a book about bees!

{from Dean to Cas} you like bees?

{from Cas to Dean} Very much

{from Dean to Cas} you should tell me about it sometime

{from Cas to Dean} *bee emoji*

 

“Dean, what are you smiling so much about?” Charlie asks, throwing a piece of popcorn at him.

“He’s got a crush,” Jo snorts from across the room.

“Don’t throw food, I don’t want to pick it up later,” Dean says absently as he puts his phone away. “And wait, no, I do _not_ have a _crush._ ”

They raise their eyebrows at him.

“Dean, you’ve been acting weird for weeks,” Charlie argues.

Jo nods. “When we suggested having a _sleepover_ tonight you actually said yes without a single comment about twelve-year-old girls.”

“And you’ve been grinning at your phone all night. It’s classic crush behavior.”

“I’m talking to my friend Cas, if you must know. I do have friends other than you two, you know, and I’m allowed to smile at them.”

“Oh yeah? And why haven’t we heard of this Cas before? And what are you talking about?”

“He hasn’t come up in conversation, and he’s just saying that he likes bees. He used a bee emoji.”

Jo and Charlie stare at him.

“What? Don’t look at me like that.”

“We owe Sam twenty dollars, holy shit,” Jo mutters to Charlie.

Dean splutters, outraged. “You’ve been talking to Sam about me? You’ve been _betting_ on me? What are you fucking _betting_ on?”

“He said you were in love and we didn’t believe him.”

“I am not in love, what the fuck?”

“Dean, the guy is using _emojis,_ which you’ve said you hate on multiple occasions, and you’re smiling like he’s the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.”

“He’s just… a dorky… little guy. We’re friends.”

“But do you want to be _more_ than friends?”

“No. I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t know. Get out of my house.”

“Nope.”

“I hate you both.”

“You love us.”

“Don’t be so sure.”

 

* * *

 

{from Cas to Dean} Hurricane Gabriel has arrived

{from Dean to Cas} that bad?

{from Cas to Dean} He’s been here for less than an hour and has already left his stuff all over my apartment and is now trying to convince me to let him set me up on dates

{from Dean to Cas} wow good luck

 

Dean is not in love with Castiel.

He does not have a crush.

Seeing Cas on the bus – talking to him about their lives, brushing arms as the bus goes over bumps, sharing smiles – it’s great, but it doesn’t make his stomach tingle and his cheeks heat up and his heart feel tight.

Texting back and forth almost every day doesn’t make him feel grounded for the first time in years. He doesn’t smile broadly every time he sees Cas’s name pop up on his screen followed by emojis.

He doesn’t feel even a little bit of jealousy when Cas mentions the possibility of a blind date.

He doesn’t feel anything at all about any of it, doesn’t stay up at night rereading texts, doesn’t get to the bus stop early on purpose in case Cas is already there, doesn’t feel an ache in his chest when Cas isn’t on the bus. He likes him, cares about him, is friends with him, but that’s it.

Dean is not in love with Castiel.

But maybe Dean has always been good at lying to himself, and at avoiding thinking about important things until someone forces him to.

He fucking hates his friends.

 

* * *

 

 

“So how’s it going with your brother?”

Cas groans.

Dean grins. “You haven’t made him stop leaving messes and setting you up?”

“I wish. He says he’ll stop one if I accept the other, which is beyond irritating. I think it’s reasonable to want my own living space to be respected.”

“Yeah, definitely. I mean, Sam and I will prank each other, but we don’t just leave our shit everywhere. We both have boundaries, you know? That’s definitely reasonable, man. Agreeing to a date isn’t a good option either, I’m guessing?”

“Oh, god no. For one thing, my entire family enjoys trying to be matchmakers for me since I tend to keep to myself, and I’m just very tired of it. Also, I know for a fact that I would have absolutely no interest in anyone he could possibly pair me with.”

“Why? Do you just not like his friends? Or is he looking at the wrong gender, or what?”

“Yes and no.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’m asexual, Dean.”

“Oh. Um, ok.”

Cas sighs. “You have no idea what that means, do you?”

“Not really,” he admits. “I mean, I’m pretty sure I learned something about asexual plants in one of the schools I went to, but I have a feeling you’re going to tell me that’s completely different.”

“I do not perform asexual reproduction, no. Asexuality in humans is simply a sexual orientation just like homosexual or heterosexual or bisexual. It means I do not experience sexual attraction.”

“I didn’t know that was a thing.”

“Many people don’t.”

“So you just don’t like sex?”

“Well, I personally am fairly neutral, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be connected. There are some asexual people who are utterly repulsed by sex and there are some who enjoy sex a great deal, as is the case for people who are not asexual. Orientation is based in attraction, not action.”

Dean doesn’t know what to say to that. He doesn’t really get how someone who doesn’t feel sexual attraction can have sex, but he feels like if he says something he’ll just come across as an asshole. He _likes_ Cas, likes him a lot, and while this asexuality thing is throwing him off he doesn’t want to ruin this thing with him. He resolves himself to a lot of googling later.

He realizes he’s been quiet for too long when Cas clears his throat and hesitantly says, “Dean?”

Dean looks up from where he’s been staring at the seat in front of him. Cas is watching him with wide eyes. He looks more vulnerable than Dean has ever seen him, and Dean realizes how much of a big deal this must be for Cas to be telling him this.

“Yeah, man, I hear you,” he says with a smile, and he can tell it was the right thing to say by the way Cas’s entire body seems to get slightly less tense.

“Anyway, you can see why I don’t want my family interfering with my life in that respect.”

“Are you out to them?”

“Not to most of my more extended family, but to my immediate relatives, yes. There are varying levels of acceptance.”

“You said most of the matchmaking is from Gabriel, but he’s one of the ones you kind of like, right? I know he can be an asshole, but about this?”

“He accepts me completely, although he doesn’t entirely understand it, but he still finds it hilarious to set me up. I know his intentions are harmless, but my concern is that he and most of his acquaintances are very sexual people. I’m not entirely opposed to having sex _occasionally,_ depending on the other person and my mood, but I don’t want it to ever be expected of me, and I have no interest in explaining that to strangers.”

“That makes sense. Have you talked to him about it?”

“I’ve told him it makes me uncomfortable, but I don’t know how to explain it to him.”

“Well, you shouldn’t have to. He should respect your wishes.”

“Do you always stop teasing Sam as soon as he asks you to?”

“Well, no, but there’s a difference between stupid pranks to annoy your brother and completely ignoring genuine discomfort, especially when it comes to shit like sex and romance. That’s one of me and Sammy’s number one rules, sexual orientation is off limits for teasing.”

“Our families are very different, I think. Gabriel has no shame and no boundaries. I love my brother, but it can be frustrating.”

“Yeah, I bet. Well, let me know if you need me to beat anyone up.”

Cas chuckles, ducking his head. “That won’t be necessary, but thank you, Dean.”

 

* * *

 

{from Cas to Dean} I think this has been the longest we’ve gone without seeing each other on the bus since we met

{from Dean to Cas} yeah I think you’re right it’s kind of weird

{from Cas to Dean} It is. When do you go back to work?

{from Dean to Cas} three days after Christmas, you?

{from Cas to Dean} Not for several weeks because college has a long break, but I’ve gotten used to getting coffee near the university so I’ll probably take the bus in sometimes anyway

{from Dean to Cas} cool well make sure to make those totally unnecessary trips on Thursdays sometimes so I can see you

{from Cas to Dean} Of course! J

{from Dean to Cas} so how’s your holiday

{from Cas to Dean} Good so far! My siblings have taken over my kitchen and Gabriel is on a sugar high but they’re all behaving and happy J We’re listening to very loud Christmas carols

{from Cas to Dean} *series of holiday emojis*

{from Cas to Dean} How are you?

{from Dean to Cas} pretty good over here too Charlie is over and she’s making me watch those creepy clay puppet movies

{from Cas to Dean} I like those movies I think they have important and heartwarming themes

{from Dean to Cas} of course you do

 

“You’ve got your Cas face on,” Charlie says as Dean presses send. “Are you complaining about me getting you in the holiday spirit?”

“I can be in the holiday spirit without watching this. And I do not have a Cas face.”

“Yes you do. You get all dreamy-looking when you’re texting him. Does he agree with me?”

Dean sighs. “He thinks they’re heartwarming. He’s weird though, he hadn’t even seen Star Wars, so his tastes in media really don’t count for much.”

“I still can’t believe you have a crush on someone who doesn’t get any of your references. He must be pretty special.”

“He is, but I still don’t have a crush.”

“You keep believing that.”

 

* * *

 

Christmas comes and goes quickly and anticlimactically. The Christmas Eve dinner at Jess’s parents’ house is a little awkward since there are a lot of people and Dean doesn’t know anyone, but everyone is friendly and welcoming to both of the brothers, and dinner is delicious. The day itself is quiet, Dean and Sam exchanging their few small presents and then going out to lunch but not really doing anything else. Two days later, Sam, Jess, Ellen, Jo, Charlie, and Dean all go to Bobby’s, and they all eat well and laugh a lot and it’s great, it’s family, but the next day Dean is back at work like any other day.

The week is busy. People come in whose cars died over the three days when the garage was closed, and other people crash their cars as soon as there’s a thin layer of ice. Cas isn’t on the bus on Thursday because he has to prepare for his family’s big party, and okay, maybe Dean misses him a little. They text back and forth every day, though, and it makes Dean’s exhausting week a little better. Charlie can shut up about him having a special happy face when Cas texts, because that is obviously blatantly false, that would be embarrassing, but. Maybe he does smile a little when he hears the phone vibrate.

 

* * *

 

The week after New Year’s, the forecast predicts a record amount of snow, and it starts early. Dean still has work though, so he heads down to the bus stop during a fortunate break in the storm. The snow is brown and slushy on the sidewalk. He glares at it as it soaks through the bottom of his jeans.

“Yeah, Sammy, I promise I’ll be careful,” he says into the phone. “Bobby said he might let us out early if it gets really bad, but it isn’t even snowing right now.”

“It’s supposed to start at two.”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Just promise you’ll call me for a ride if you have a problem.”

“Sure, if you promise to be careful with my car.”

“Dean.”

“Yeah, I promise, Sam.”

“Good.”

“I’ll see you tonight.”

As he hangs up the phone, it occurs to Dean that he’s been waiting for the bus for a while, and that no one else is there. Just as he thinks this, he hears someone call his name.

He glances around and sees a hideous gold car pulling over to the curb and Castiel leaning out the passenger side window.

“Cas?”

“Dean, what are you doing? Public transportation is closed today due to the weather.”

“What? That happens?”

“Yes, of course. There’s a high likelihood of a major blizzard, it won’t be safe to be on the roads.”

“Shit. I didn’t know. I can’t believe Sammy didn’t know either.”

Cas turns around to say something to whoever’s driving the car, then leans back out. “Would you like a ride?”

“Oh, man, that would be great. Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Of course not. You’re on my way anyway.”

Dean gets into the backseat. He sees that the driver is a pretty woman with brown hair and blue eyes, and he smiles at her in the rear view mirror as she pulls away from the curb.

“Are you Cas’s sister?” he asks.

“Yes. I’m Hannah. It’s nice to finally meet you, Dean.”

“Yeah, you too.”

“How are you, Dean?” asks Cas, twisting around in his seat.

“Busy. This freaking snow is killing me. How was that thing with your family?”

Cas shudders.

“That bad?”

“We have had far worse family gatherings, but we have also certainly had better.”

“What happened?” Cas looks hesitant, and Dean silently curses himself. “You don’t have to answer that. It’s personal, it’s none of my business, I get it, man.”

“No, it’s fine, I don’t mind. It wasn’t any one thing that happened. There was just a lot of arguing and it can be tiring. And I find it much easier to tolerate these get-togethers when my sisters are there, but unfortunately they both had excuses to be elsewhere.” He glares at Hannah, who just sighs, and Dean smiles.

“That’s rough. You said in one of your texts that your brothers were going to be forced to come to this, so did you just hang out with them, then?”

“I would have, but Gabriel spent most of the time reluctantly attempting to mediate the rather explosive argument my uncles Luke and Michael were having and Balthazar disappeared within five minutes. I think he might have been flirting with my cousin’s friend.”

“And those are the relatives you _like?_ What the hell were the others doing?”

“Well, my aunt Naomi and my uncle Metatron were upset about something, and my uncle Raphael kept glaring at me for some reason.”

“I’m sure he’s still upset about the Balthazar incident and decided to blame you,” Hannah says without looking away from the road.

Cas looks considering at that. “That would make sense, actually,” he muses. “That would also explain why Balthazar was so hard to find.”

Dean blinks. “The Balthazar incident?”

“Don’t worry about it,” the siblings say in unison. Dean smiles to himself as he turns to look out the window. It’s a tone he’s familiar with from his own interactions with his brother, and he is reminded that he and Cas really aren’t that different.

 

* * *

 

{from Cas to Dean} I think I just met your friends

{from Dean to Cas} who??

{from Cas to Dean} Charlie and Jo. I was getting coffee and they came over and asked if my name was Cas and if I knew you. Apparently they recognized me from your description of me as “a hot little guy with brown hair and stupidly blue eyes and a trench coat”

{from Dean to Cas} shit I can’t believe they did that

{from Dean to Cas} what the fuck happened to stranger danger

{from Cas to Dean} To be fair we talked when we were strangers

{from Dean to Cas} whatever that’s different

{from Dean to Cas} also those were not the words I used to describe you my friends are fucking liars

{from Cas to Dean} Whatever you say, Dean ;)

 

Dean doesn’t quite know how to respond to that, so he doesn’t. He’s caught off guard. A winky face suggesting that Cas thought that Dean thought he was hot? What does that mean? Is Cas flirting? Have they _been_ flirting? He would have noticed that, right? Sure, they have a special relationship, there’s a deep connection that he’s never had before, and it’s always kind of seemed like they were moving toward _something,_ but. It’s always been a something that’s remained unspoken, not something to look at directly. Flirty texts, though. That’s new.

And Dean doesn’t know, but maybe it could be a good thing.

 

* * *

 

“I like your boyfriend,” Charlie says as she lets herself into Dean’s apartment.

“He’s not my boyfriend. And I can’t believe you and Jo ambushed him like that in public. What if it hadn’t been him?”

“It was though, and I see why you like him. He seems… dreamy. And he was pretty funny, too. He didn’t seem freaked out by us coming over at all. Or he wasn’t after we introduced ourselves.”

He shakes his head. “I still think it was creepy. What did you even talk about?”

“Mostly just you,” she says, flopping down next to him on the couch. “Dude’s got as big a crush as you, you guys are hopeless. Also I interrogated him on his taste of movies and books and stuff. He hasn’t seen much, but he was open to giving things a shot. I approve.”

 “What do you mean he has a crush on me, what did he say?” He realizes immediately that he responded too quickly and too sharply, and probably sounds like an overeager lovesick twelve-year-old girl, and he winces as Charlie grins at him.

“Nothing, he just kind of lit up when we mentioned you. He seemed to be trying really hard to make us like him, but even if he hadn’t it would have been pretty obvious that he liked you. Just saying your name gave him this giant smile.”

Something warm rises in Dean. He doesn’t know what his face is doing, but Charlie’s smile softens.

“I really like him,” he admits softly.

“I know.” She leans against him so their shoulders touch. “I know we’ve all been teasing you about it, but do you actually have a crush on him?”

He pauses. “I don’t know, Charlie. I sure as hell wouldn’t call it a crush, because I am a grown man, but there’s something there, you know?”

“Yeah. You should go for it. I really do think he feels the same way.”

“You only talked to him for five minutes.”

“It really was obvious, Dean.”

“But what if you’re wrong and I go for it and I mess everything up?”

She grabs his hand and squeezes. “Dean, when you’re texting him you get this smile I’ve only ever seen on you around your family and Dr Sexy, and that was the same kind of smile he had when we talked about you. This is going to be a good thing.”

He doesn’t say anything, but he mulls over what Charlie said. He thinks about it as they watch Game of Thrones, and he thinks about it as he locks the door after she leaves, and he thinks about it as he brushes his teeth, and he thinks about it as he lies in bed.

As the hours pass and he fades closer to sleep, he gets closer to accepting the possibility that Charlie could be right. He and Cas have been unusually close from the beginning, and that’s got to mean _something,_ right? And his friends are decent judges of people so if they think Cas likes him maybe he does. And there were those texts…

Maybe it’s possible. Maybe this could be a good thing.

And he’s willing to admit now, at least to himself, in the silence of his own room, that he _wants_ it to be a good thing. He wants it, wants _Cas,_ more than he’s wanted anything for a long time. And he thinks maybe someday, maybe even someday soon, he’ll be able to work up the courage to ask for it. For Cas.

 

* * *

 

“So Dean, I actually have a question for you,” Cas says a few weeks later.

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Are you free next weekend?”

Dean’s heart skips a couple beats because that’s a good way to ask someone out, but he tells himself to calm the fuck down and says calmly, “I have some morning shifts at the garage but otherwise yeah, I think I’m pretty free. Why?”

Cas sighs. “My family is having a party on Saturday and I’ve been encouraged to bring friends.”

“Didn’t they just have a party?”

“Yes, and usually there’s more time between them. A high-profile relative who’s been out of the country for some time has returned rather suddenly, so it’s being seen as a big deal, which is why I’m being forced to go. It’s also why there’s an increased pressure to bring guests. The people organizing the party want the family to look especially good, which apparently means even larger than usual and popular. I usually bring someone from work, but my traitor siblings mentioned that I’d made a friend and now everyone wants to meet you. I would understand if you don’t want to come, but I thought I would extend the invitation. You can bring Sam with you if you’d like.”

“I’ll have to ask Sam, but sure, I’ll come,” Dean says without really thinking about it. As soon as the words are out of his mouth he regrets them, because when he thinks of ways he would want to spend a weekend, interacting with Cas’s giant crazy family is not on the list, but the regret fades away when he sees how relieved Cas looks.

“Are you sure?”

“Hey, it’ll help you out, right? Make a buffer between you and your mean relatives?”

“Yes, it would be a tremendous favor,” Cas admits.

“What are friends for?” Dean shrugs. “Not like I have anything better to do. And hey, I’m curious about your weird family.”

“Well, I doubt you’ll like most of them, but I’m sure it will be an interesting experience for you if nothing else. Thank you so much, Dean.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

The bus pulls up to Dean’s stop and Cas promises to text him with details about time, location, and dress code, and Dean in turn assures him he’ll ask Sam. They say their goodbyes and Dean spends the rest of the day wondering what he’s signed himself up for.

 

* * *

 

Sam agrees to go to the party, and refuses to let Dean talk himself out of going, so the following weekend they find themselves pulling into the parking lot of an enormous gray estate with “Novak” written in curling silver letters on the gate.

They are greeted by an honest to god butler who takes their coats and ushers them into what could only be described as a ballroom. Their mouths drop open as they take in the luxurious but surprisingly modern décor and the size of the crowd.

“You know,” Sam says softly, “When you said this was going to be crazy I think I thought you were being dramatic, but now I see that it was actually an understatement.”

Dean shrugs and steps further into the room. He looks around to try to find Cas, but is intercepted by a shorter man with long hair who seems to appear out of nowhere.

“Well, well, well. I know I’ve been away from these shindigs for a while, but I sure don’t recognize you,” he says loudly, unwrapping a candy bar. “Did we get some new cousins or did someone just decide to invite some giants to overcompensate for the request for more guests?”

They stare at him. There’s a flower attached to his jacket that looks suspiciously like one of the prank flowers that sprays water.

He takes a bite of his candy bar. “All right, fine, you’re not _that_ tall. Really though, who are you?”

Dean exchanges a look with Sam, who just shrugs. “Dean,” he says. “Winchester. And Sam. We were invited by Castiel.”

The man’s eyes light up and a smirk flits across his face. “Ah-ha,” he says. “ _You’re_ the infamous Dean our Cassie has been mooning over.”

Sam makes an aborted noise that sounds suspiciously like a laugh, and Dean elbows him, face red.

“And which of the annoying relatives are you?” he tosses back.

The man laughs. “You’ve got some attitude there, I see. No wonder he likes you. I’m Gabriel.”

That makes sense.

Cas chooses that moment to appear from behind a group of people. He’s breathing hard like he ran across the room, and Hannah is right behind him.

“Dean, hello,” he says. “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah, you too, Cas. I met your brother.”

“I see that. I apologize.”

“I resent that!” Gabriel protests.

Cas ignores him, but the corner of his mouth twitches upward. He glances up. “Is this Sam?”

Dean beams as his brother takes Cas’s hand.

“It’s nice to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine, Sam. I’ve heard so many good things.”

“Likewise,” Sam says, grinning.

Cas introduces Hannah. The group chats for a few minutes, until Gabriel gets bored and wanders off. They see him talking to a sandy-haired man who Cas says is Balthazar.

“So that was Hurricane Gabriel,” Dean says, and Cas rolls his eyes.

“I had meant to be the one to greet you, so I’m sorry you had to deal with that right off.”

“It’s fine. He seems interesting, at least.”

“That’s one word for it,” Hannah says drily. “I’m going to go keep an eye on them before they blow something up again.” Sam and Dean blink. “It was nice seeing you again, Dean,” she says before they can ask. “And Sam, good to meet you.”

“You too.”

She crosses the room to stand near the brothers. Cas and the Winchesters keep talking until Cas sighs and says that he should socialize with more of his family, and then they awkwardly follow him around the room.

 

Cas’s relatives range from eccentric to terrifying. Most of them ignore Dean and Sam completely, but a few stare at them like they’re a different species. Both reactions are unnerving, but Cas occasionally grounds Dean with a hand on his elbow or a casual comment to bring them into the conversation, and Dean can’t help smiling at him. As they talk, Dean finds himself paying less attention to the conversation and more to the way Cas’s face looks around his family. He’s clearly uncomfortable in the large gathering, and when certain relatives approach him he gets tense, but when his siblings talk to him he looks happy, relaxed, and something else, something Dean can’t place. His smile is genuine and soft, his eyes fond. Dean’s heart strains as he watches him.

They meet Cas’s sister Anna, and she and Dean spend a few minutes talking alone while Cas accompanies Sam to find a bathroom.

“So,” she asks after a moment of silence, “When are you going to ask him out?”

He stares at her. “What?”

“Cas. I’m not blind. You obviously like each other, so one of you should make a move.”

He takes a drink. After swallowing, he tries to make his voice casual as he asks why she thinks so.

“Dean, listen. My brother has been talking about you for months. And at first I thought it was just nice that he had a friend, but then I saw how deeply you were affecting him. I’ve never seen him smile so much. Cas is full of love. He loves his siblings, his house, his ugly car, his job, the bees, the way the sky looks right after a storm, books, Earth, space, fish, the human race. He deeply, honestly loves almost everything he sees to some capacity, and that’s something that makes him incredibly special. But the general sense of wonder he displays and the wonder I see in him when he talks about you are very different. He said he came out to you, and that’s a big deal for him. It took him years to feel like he could tell _Hannah,_ and she’s his twin. We can all tell when he’s texting you because he’s always smiling. He obviously cares really deeply about you. It was just a question of whether you felt the same way, and after watching you together for even a few minutes it’s pretty clear that you do.”

Dean feels like he’s on fire. He’s obviously considered the possibility that Cas likes him back. After Charlie and Jo met him and after certain texts and sometimes when he smiles at him on the bus and in the middle of the night when he can’t sleep, the thought crossed his mind. But he’s never really dared to _believe_ it. Anna sounds so sure, though, and she’s one of the people who know him best in the world. If she thinks Cas likes him – hell, the way she’s describing it, maybe even _loves_ him – maybe he really does.

“He’s a really good guy,” he says to the floor.

“Yeah, he is. And I think you seem like a good guy too. You would be good for each other, so you should do something about it. You both deserve happiness.”

He doesn’t really know how to respond to that, but Cas and Sam come back before he has to. He grins automatically at Cas, who, now that he thinks of it, is totally standing closer to him than the rules of typical platonic interaction really call for.

He blushes and glances at Anna, who winks at him. “Think about it,” she says, before wandering off into the crowd.

Sam and Cas both look curious, but he just waves it off and they resume their conversation.

 

Dean can barely look away from Cas for the rest of the night. Anna’s words echo in his mind. He realizes, more than ever, that he wants her to be right.

Cas is one of the best people Dean knows, and he’s tired of lying to himself about just how crazy he is for him. As Dean watches, Cas laughs at something a cousin says, and he looks so happy, and the sound is so beautiful. Dean wants to make him laugh like that forever.

Radiant, Dean thinks. That’s the word he was looking for. Cas is radiant.

He’s been scared of what could go wrong for too long. He likes Cas, and Cas probably likes him too, and maybe they can make it work.

 

* * *

 

The bus is crowded. They’re standing, and they keep getting pushed together on bumps.

“Hey, so I was reading this thing online the other day,” Dean says, trying to get his heartbeat under control when Cas rests his hand on his shoulder to brace himself as he leans in closer to hear him. “It was talking about asexuality and using a metaphor about elephants or something to explain how it’s hard for ace people and allosexual people to talk about attraction because it’s so obvious for us but how are you guys supposed to know what it’s like if you’ve never experienced it? It was pretty interesting, I thought you might like it.”

Cas smiles up at him, looking a bit touched. “That does sound interesting. You should send me the link. I didn’t realize you knew some of the terminology.”

“What, like allosexual? Yeah, I mean, I’ve been doing some research ever since you came out. I wanted to be sure I didn’t fuck up when I was talking to you.”

There are things he could say here, about how he spent hours looking through dozens of websites about asexuality the night of their first conversation. Or how he went to the library to see if they had books about it and was sad and angry on Cas’s behalf when there weren’t any. Or how he asked Charlie what she knew about it since she was the one who knew all about LGBT stuff, and even talked to Hannah at the party. He could say something about how when he was figuring out his own sexuality he hadn’t had those kind of resources, let alone that kind of support, and wanted to make up for his father’s intolerance and for his own years of confusion and self-hatred by being as knowledgeable and accepting and understanding of other people as he possibly could be. He could say that Cas was and is important to him, and more than worth doing a little bit of Googling.

He says none of it. But Cas beams at him, and squeezes his shoulder a little tighter, and looks almost like he’s about to start tearing up a little, and Dean thinks he probably understands all of the unspoken words perfectly clearly.

And suddenly Dean is just. Done.

Cas is right there, smiling up at him, eyes bright and kind. His hand is warm on Dean’s shoulder. He understands Dean with a clarity that no one else has managed, and they are able to relate to each other, and when he looks at Dean he sees something good. He loves his family, and he gets along with Sam and Jo and Charlie. He sees the beauty in the world and has more faith in humanity than anyone Dean’s ever known. He uses stupid emojis and carries a yellow umbrella and likes fuzzy socks and has a cat named Tyrannosaurus and he thinks bees are remarkable.

And Dean wants to be in his life forever, and he’s tired of denying himself.

He moves in closer, and before he can think about it too much he puts his hands on Cas’s face and kisses him.

Cas is clearly startled, his fingers digging sharply into Dean’s shoulder.

He’s frozen, and he doesn’t immediately kiss back, and alarm bells are going off in Dean’s head because he knows now that he was wrong, and Jo and Charlie were wrong, and Sam was wrong, and even Cas’s relatives were wrong, because Cas doesn’t like him back. He doesn’t like him romantically, and now that Dean’s fucked this up he won’t like him as a friend either, and he’s lost him, he’s done.

After a brief, heart-stopping moment that seems to last forever, Dean reels back, gasping. He bumps into someone behind him, and he’s instantly hyper-aware of all the people around them; all the people who could be seeing this play out. He wants to blend into the crowd, but as he’s jostled into a few people he realizes that won’t work. He can feel Cas staring at him, but he avoids eye contact, looking intently at a random spot on the wall, the dirty ripped ads and colorful dated seats suddenly riveting, as he starts babbling words that sound vaguely like swears.

Eyes wide, Cas grabs Dean’s wrist, stopping him from moving further away, and says, hushed and gently but urgently, “ _Dean.”_

“Sorry, fuck, I’m so sorry, forget that ever happened –”

“Dean.”

Something in Cas’ voice makes Dean look up and meet his eyes. He’s expecting anger or revulsion, but what he finds is a glowing warmth that makes breathing suddenly difficult for him.

“Cas,” he whispers, and he feels like he should say something else, he doesn’t know what, but he finds his throat closing up and he trails off to silence.

Cas slides his hand up from Dean’s wrist back up to his shoulder and squeezes tightly, and Dean feels it like a burn.

“Dean Winchester,” he says firmly, “I would never wish to forget a single moment of the time I have spent with you.”

The bus comes to a halt just as Dean is trying to breathe enough to be able to formulate a response, and he realizes that it’s his stop. He blinks at Cas, who smiles and gently guides him off the bus.

They stand in silence on the sidewalk for a long moment, just staring at each other.

“This isn’t your stop,” Dean says eventually.

“No,” Cas shrugs, “But I don’t have class until later anyway, and I thought this was a conversation that shouldn’t be cut off.”

Dean has work in about ten minutes, and he’s still five minutes away, but Cas is right. Whatever is happening here has to happen now.

There’s another brief pause, before Dean blurts, “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that.”

“It’s okay, Dean.”

“No, it’s not. I don’t know if you’re even okay with kissing, let alone kissing _me._ I don’t even know your romantic orientation. Fuck, sometimes I think I don’t even know _my_ romantic orientation. If I was going to make a move I should have used my fucking words, but I don’t know how. I’ve always thought I was so smooth, picking people up in bars no problem, but now the one time it really matters and I don’t know what I’m doing. All I know is that I like you a lot, and I want to be with you all the time, and I want to go to dinner with you and try to work out some kind of relationship, but only if that’s what you want too.”

Cas takes his hand and squeezes tightly. Dean is dimly aware of the fact that they’re in the middle of the sidewalk still, with people walking around them and grumbling, but he can’t really bring himself to care. He can’t really focus on anything other than the warmth of Cas’s eyes and the firmness of his hand.

“Dean,” Cas says softly. “I appreciate the fact that you value consent, but in this case you’ve done nothing wrong. I’m _happy_ about this, Dean. _You_ make me happy. I like you too, and I would like nothing more than to go to dinner with you. I would love to try a relationship with you.”

“Really?”

He nods, and then they’re both grinning, and hugging, and Dean can’t believe he gets to have this.

 

* * *

 

Epilogue

The bus is late again, and it’s raining.

Dean is dry. A bright yellow umbrella is open wide above him, held in place by two clasped hands, one his and one Cas’s.

Dean still doesn’t like the bus. It’s full of weird people, and personal space doesn’t exist, and it’s dirty and loud. None of that will ever change. But these days he’s finding it a lot harder to hate it. The bus, after all, is what brought Castiel into his life.

Cas is talking excitedly about the work his students have been doing, and Dean listens with a smile. He knows the names from the papers spread out across all the flat surfaces in their new house, and from many conversations just like this. He doesn’t care, really, about what college students he’s never met do, but he cares about the quirk of Cas’s smile when he gets excited. He’s still getting used to being allowed to see that smile every day. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever get used to it, but if it can still make him feel so full of wonder, he doesn’t know if he wants to.

The bus pulls up. They unclasp their hands long enough to fold up the umbrella, then rejoin. Conversation barely pausing, they step on board.

 


End file.
